This isn’t a fucking competition Legolas
Any time anyone says Tolkien isn’t funny, I bring up this scene.
To put it in context, Aragorn is a ridiculously good tracker. He had just been literally lying flat on his belly on the ground, his ear pressed to the dirt, so he could listen for footsteps of the army that was way, way out of sight. We’re talking miles away, here. Aragorn was listening to the ground. And from that, he figured out that there were a lot of riders, on hecka fast horses, heading right towards them, with the intention of fucking their shit up. Pretty badass, right?
Cue Legolas, a.k.a. You Little Shit. Legolas is an elf. His eyesight and hearing is ridiculously good. Like, it puts any human’s to shame.
He literally let Aragorn lie there on the ground and strain to hear footsteps in the distance for no reason. And when Aragorn got up, the little shit drove the point home by saying “Oh yeah, I see them, I’ve seen them this whole time, there’s a hundred and five of them, oh yeah and they’re all blonde and they’re carrying spears nbd”
Cue Aragorn gritting his teeth in frustration and Legolas smirking like the sassy pointy-eared fuck that he is.
This may actually be my favorite part of LOTR okay
Tonight at the con I was about to take a picture with a deadpool cosplayer and when we were posing he said “is it okay if I put my hand on your waist?” And I was like “yeah sure thanks for asking!” And he just laughed and said “I’m deadpool, not CREEPpool!” And that was the most wonderful and reassuring con experience I’ve ever had.
when even Deadpool knows that consent is important, your arguments are invalid
So I went on Omegle today out of boredom and I meet up with three police officers from Iraq. We all became best friends and had a competition of “who can balance an object on their head the longest.” I chose a shoe and they chose a gun. I ended up winning with the shoe. I think this screenshot really captures the spirit.
that’s legitimately one of the cutest things i’ve ever seen happen on the internet
sometimes i really like humans
in grade 8 i did a power point presentation on “whooping cough” and my opening slide was a photo of whoopi goldberg coughing and i was the only person who laughed at it and i couldnt start the presentation for like five minutes because i was laughing too hard at my own joke
What’s wrong with scared? Scared is a superpower! Your superpower. There is danger in this room. And guess what? It’s you! Do you feel it? Do you think he feels it? Do you think he’s scared? Nah. Loser!
i fucking love renaissance art like i saw this piece today that depicted the virgin’s immaculate conception as a tiny jesus flying in through a window on a collision course with mary’s hoo ha like
LOOK AT HIM GO
i express my emotions in long groans at different octaves
late night breakdowns are my speciality
“In 1921, early suffragettes often donned a bathing suit and ate pizza in large groups to annoy men…it was a custom at the time.”
TIME TO REVIVE A CUSTOM
all women were bigger and stronger than you
and thought they were smarter
women were the ones who started wars
too many of your friends had been raped by women wielding giant dildos
and no K-Y Jelly
the state trooper
who pulled you over on the New Jersey Turnpike
was a woman
and carried a gun
the ability to menstruate
was the prerequisite for most high-paying jobs
your attractiveness to women depended
on the size of your penis
every time women saw you
they’d hoot and make jerking motions with their hands
women were always making jokes
about how ugly penises are
and how bad sperm tastes
you had to explain what’s wrong with your car
to big sweaty women with greasy hands
who stared at your crotch
in a garage where you are surrounded
by posters of naked men with hard-ons
men’s magazines featured cover photos
of 14-year-old boys
tucked into the front of their jeans
and articles like:
“How to tell if your wife is unfaithful”
“What your doctor won’t tell you about your prostate”
“The truth about impotence”
the doctor who examined your prostate
was a woman
and called you “Honey”
you had to inhale your boss’s stale cigar breath
as she insisted that sleeping with her
was part of the job
you couldn’t get away because
the company dress code required
you wear shoes
designed to keep you from running
And what if
after all that
women still wanted you
to love them.
For the Men Who Still Don’t Get It, written 20 years ago by Carol Diehl.
She wrote a post about the history of this poem that is worth reading.
oh hey look a locket from when I was little!
i wonder whats inside i-
i think something went wrong